Trigger Warning

Author: AliceWonderMiscreations

Diff for: SURVIVAL.md

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+Survival
+========
+
+__Trigger Warning:__ Do not read this file if you do not like to hear about
+other people's problems and their sob stories.
+
+This is free software released under the terms of the MIT license, and I chose
+license specifically because I like how liberal it is. You don't owe me
+nothing and I do not want you to feel like you owe me anything.
+
+*******************************************************************************
+
+I am not making it in this world, I simply am not surviving.
+
+I was almost evicted just before Winter last year, and I suspect it will happen
+again.
+
+If this library is of value to you and you have the financial means to
+contribute it would be greatly appreciated.
+
+I have Epilepsy and medication did not fully control it. This caused me to have
+my drivers license taken away when I was in my early 20s.
+
+I do not have seizures often, never had one while driving, and know when I
+might have one and wouldn't drive during that period, but that is not good
+enough to allow me to drive.
+
+It's funny. They take away my license out of fear of what might happen even
+though it never did just because it is dangerous, yet the continue to let people
+drive who are caught intentionally doing dangerous things while driving, such as
+texting or are even under the influence of alcohol.
+
+The difference is I am poor and our society systematically believes poor people
+are not worth having around.
+
+Losing my license in my 20s resulted in difficulty getting a job that provided
+health insurance and I have not had medical insurance in over two decades. I
+tried the California Covered route through Obamacare, but every time I would
+call to try to get set up, when the operator on the other end realized I was
+very poor and had several preconditions, they realized I wasn't a commission
+and I would get transferred around from person to person until the line went
+dead.
+
+Most people have no idea how humiliating it is to have that happen time and
+time again. It is especially difficult for those of us who are autistic and
+have difficulty with social interactions in the first place.
+
+Being autistic results in problems with me being employed in "regular" places.
+The trend of "open offices" does not work for me, I always feel like there are
+people standing behind me even when they are not, that kind of anxiety is very
+common with autistic people. Pair coding is also something I can not do, my
+mind works very differently from that of most people, I jump around a lot and
+when something enters my mind I simply can not put it in the back and do
+something else, it eats away at me, and that does not work with pair coding.
+
+Coding standards, those are for neuro-typical people. This project after
+creating it, I did make it conform to PSR-2 (mostly) and PHPDoc but these
+standards that people make use arbitrary rules that are not actually shown to
+improve the ability to code, following them is about demonstrating you are
+part of the collective more than anything else - but the desire to be part of
+the collective is foreign to my.
+
+Why should it fucking matter that I use two spaces for indentation instead of
+four? Why should it fucking matter that I like to have a blank line between
+the closing `}` of the last function and the `}` that signifies the end of the
+class? Why should it fucking matter that I really *really* like to have a
+closing `?>` at the end of my PHP scripts?
+
+Those coding standards are not there to improve the way PHP works, they are
+there to exclude people who have different brain patterns and do not see why
+they need to prove they are part of the collective. 
+
+I use to do okay working from home for small businesses, logging in to their
+servers to fix broken things, update their Linux server software, etc. but
+that has all been taken away. Everyone is moving to Google and Amazon cloud
+services where people like me really aren't needed anymore.
+
+Google services, Google extensively tracks everyone without consent even when
+we explicitly express we do not want to be tracked. If I gathered information
+of people against their consent, I would get arrested for stalking. But the
+difference is Google is rich and I am poor.
+
+I do not understand why companies trust their sensitive data to Google, a
+company that became rich specifically by violating privacy. To the way my brain
+works, that makes absolutely no sense. But that's what businesses want and I
+can't work with that either because it is so blatantly immoral.
+
+Suicide rates in autistic people are extremely high, about 2/3 of those who are
+autistic have seriously contemplated suicide. Society that is dominated by
+neurotypical thinking systematically discriminates against us.
+
+I can't speak for most autistics, but for me, my suicidal contemplations have
+to do with purpose.
+
+If I am not allowed to have a purpose then I do not have a reason to live.
+
+Right now, I fulfill that purpose by providing RPM packages for a LAMP stack
+built against LibreSSL that runs on CentOS 7 -[https://librelamp.com/](https://librelamp.com/)
+
+I also maintain an updated media stack: [https://media.librelamp.com/](https://media.librelamp.com/)
+
+That purpose is now being taken away by the RHEL/CentOS "software collections"
+concept.
+
+In fact a few years ago, the legendary Remi Collet contacted me. Something was
+factually wrong on my website regarding the JSON license issue and it was right
+for him to call me on it, but he also asked my why I was packaging newer PHP
+when CentOS users could just Software Collections.
+
+It's nice for him I suppose, he has purpose, but he seemed to have no clue that
+for me it is one of the few things that does give me purpose and thus keeps me
+alive.
+
+To many, I suppose because of my social status, I am not worth worrying about.
+
+Anyway, if I do become homeless and I suspect that may happen, I will
+completely lose my ability to do things that give me purpose and I suspect that
+will result in my death.
+
+If this or other projects I work on and will continue to work on are of value
+to you, financial contribution would be greatly appreciated.
+
+paypal@domblogger.net
+
+I use to have Bitcoin address, but I no longer can afford broadband and I do
+not trust web wallets. So use the paypal.
+
+Thank you for your time,
+
+Alice Wonder
+
+
+-------------------------------------------------
+__EOF__